I’ve been thinking a lot lately, (I know. Don’t hurt myself, right? HA!) and..
the future seriously scares the crap out of me.
Honestly, I am so young, and I have all these decisions I have to make, and commit to, and follow through with them, and I don’t even know what I want with my life, and everything is just so soon, and I feel so overwhelmed, and I can’t stop it, and I feel like everything is coming together, and everything is falling apart, and I am falling apart, and the older I get, the more confused I get, but it all is going to stop.
And don’t worry, this isn’t a suicide note, it’s a moment of peace.
(Play this now.)
And just listen.
And remember that you are not a boy or a girl, or a human or a person, or a student or an adult.
Yes, you may be these things, but you are so much more.
And everywhere you go and everything you do has the utmost importance, and at the same time, has absolutely no meaning at all.
Everything counts, and yet everything is futile in your hopes of becoming something worthwhile.
All that matters, the only thing that has any significance whatsoever, the one thing that makes any difference at all is you.
You are here and you are billions and billions of stardust threaded together with prayers,
and fragile fragments of glass melted together with love,
and feelings and dreams joined with the best of intentions.
And everything that you feel is made to make you, not break you.
You are, right now, the youngest you will ever be, and you will grow and develop and change, in more senses than just one, and you will never truly be the same, and neither will the people and things and circumstances surrounding you. And you will feel like a million bucks, and you will feel like your heart has been ripped out of your body, and you will feel like an ostracized puppy, and you will feel like nothing in the universe could possibly shut you down.
And all these emotions, and all the things that made you feel these emotions, are what make you who you are. And deciding on a major, deciding which SAT Subject Test to take, and deciding which college to early apply to, and deciding whether you can juggle five AP classes and the swim team and MUN; this is all trivial. And it’s all just temporary.
It is what you decide to do with yourself that carries the most substance.
And it is what is in your heart that carries the uttermost significance.
And it is your vision and your longing to make an imprint on the world that carries the paramount importance.
And now that you have realized this, now you can decide on a major, and now you can decide which SAT Subject Test to take, and now you can decide which college to early apply to, and now you can decide whether you can juggle five AP classes and the swim team and MUN.
And now you can decide all these things, and know that they really don’t matter at all.